“Where do I begin,” (that famous line from a familiar song) to tell a story where I’ve been. Been somewhere, anywhere, nope, truthfully nowhere.
Now I don’t know how to start. They say time heals all wounds, and if missing something is a wound, and starting all over again is a form of healing then let me have a thousand scars for although I’m not a masochist, I welcome the pain of waiting. And if somehow one can’t understand what I’m conveying, it’s okay not to be understood once in a while. Why would I expect others to understand if I, myself don’t understand where I’ve been, eventhough I always claimed I know where I’m heading.
Subject verb agreement, punctuation errors and a lot of grammatical lapses. I am not an English writer and it does not pain me when I tender my resignation letter and realized that he’s not reading my letter. Yes, he is not hearing me, he is looking at my letter telling me how in the world can I write a resignation letter with misspelled words and grammatical lapses. That deceitful feeling of finally getting even by giving him a hard time deciphering what I meant when I said I’m leaving. Or is it just the real me when I blabber with incongruent statements because truthfully I am a weird eccentric person who is not good in saying goodbye.
So I closed the door and walked away…. But in no time I’m back in his arms, restartng what could have been, what might have been, what should have been and all those in betweens.
Been There. Done That. How I wish I could truthfully say that. 🙂
My friend ask me if i’ll be joining a halloween party. She says “I’ll be little red riding hood, what’s your costume?”
Scary thoughts suddenly creep. Do i really need to wear a costume? Am i not wearing this halloween mask all these years?
– Those moments i smile when deep inside i’m crying
– Those times i pretend i’m brave enough when my soul is scared
So numerous moments when i pretend to be someone i’m not. And no one notices because everyone is wearing their own masks.
And when the masquerade ball is inviting me to join and dance in its party, i welcome it unwittingly. And after leaving the masquerade ball, i’m no longer cautious if the mask will fall.
No matter how much one hold on to something, soon the mask will be falling. And sometimes when you look at the mirror, you don’t see the mask. You see what’s inside you. But still you question in horror why a different face welcomes you every morning when you knew all along you’re alone after the party.
Still you dust if off and learn to move on. Looking forward to the next masquerade ball.
Since it’s almost halloween in some parts of the globe and almost all soul’s day in my country the Philippines, i’m giving my readers an option to show their kind soul by clicking / tapping the photos of my halloween posts, reading the musing/poetry of the corresponding image.
Although i hate sounding like i’m campaigning and surely i’m not pandering to your taste, rest assured that reading them can give you a smile and if these posts didn’t make you smile, let me know through your comments, so we can make halloween great again. 🙂
Dropping by at an art exhibit , i happened to see a cartoon artist. For a few dollars he’ll create your cartoon portrait.
Suddenly confusion, illusion or simply wild imagination made me think. If i will spend a few dollars, why would i need a sketch of my face? I have tons of photos on my facebook anyway. Besides, i can always look at the mirror and create a better portrait of myself, anytime for free , although sometimes looking at the mirror doesn’t lead to happy endings. 🙂
So i rather spend that moment fulfilling a life long childhood dream……. to be one of those fairy tale divas.
Once again in my adult life i’m faced with a million dollar question:
If i could be a fairy tale character, who would i be?
Cinderella? Nope, i had a very happy childhood.
Sleeping Beauty? Hmm, true love kiss and a prince, almost , but my dad is not a wicked king. .
Okay, let’s try Snow White, but i don’t have a wicked stepmother.
Aha, since i consider myself beautiful, why not Belle in Beauty and The Beast?
Staring at the blank moving wall, now called wallpaper, memories keep flashing like a movie scene. I’m still in a state of confusion as to what usually follows after finishing the sentence not with a period but with a colon that never belong to a conjunction of a subliminal past and paradoxical present.
i truly cannot understand why a tinge of justification was needed for that fleeting moment of indecision or bad judgment. Nope, it is not to be judged, i know in due time i will understand the truth.
The truth in not knowing the value of the moment until it became a memory. That obsequious feeling of driving a wheel , disregarding the traffic rules inspite of knowing that dangers will be waiting for breaking the stone that rocks the cradle.
The cradle that was all taken care of from infancy to puberty. The adolescence of the mind brainwashing humans that ignorance is a bliss, until adulthood teaches you that it’s only a bliss if you take the risk.
The paradox of following your bliss believing that you can strive for anything. Anything is possible, even screaming sky is the limit. You can have anything but not everything. An oxymoron parable that sounds better than the aesop’s fable.
The fable that shows human frailties using the art of narrating the pros and cons of an action with its lessons. Realization of the long forgone wishes. Pushing boundaries and eventually stepping over them. The pursuit to fill your bucket list with the unending whispers that the story is not over yet but too late to edit the page.
Yes, the book was already printed, but the story is not over yet.
I saw a photo on my friend’s facebook page. In a split second I asked her if I can steal it. Well, that’s hyperbole but truthfully, this wonderful scenery stole my heart away. So i make a colorful collage out of that photo as i glanced at that beautiful scenery , an inspiration to create a wonderful poetry.
As she was driving on Vancouver highway on a beautiful Sunday morning, this scene didn’t escape her sight. She instantly grab her phone and captured the scene.
Beautiful. How a simple photo can change someone’s day. It made her stop and made me smile. Life is beautiful . We just have to appreciate it.
Driving on life’s busy highway, obstructions sometimes give in. Preoccupied with so many things to do, so many goals to achieve and dreams to fulfill, we forgot to see the sky and just view the road within.
The changing colors of your sky depending on the season of your life. Sometimes nature brings out its natural colors but most of the time it changes depending on the bifocals of your sights..
The sky being blue when your heart is in raging red. The pastel colors that you see when someone tickles you in pink. Or is it being green when you recall that moment on that cold mountain spring?
The northern lights that never cease to amaze you, just like that love that always puzzles you.
The hues you’ll never knew unless you’ve got the courage to try something new.
So what is the color of your sky? The color that you’ll always see , as you paint it the way you feel it.
If time creates memory and memory defines time, where am i?
Am i still in the past when i hope that the good things i have will last?
Or am i now in the present when my future steps in a split second
For sure i’m not yet in the future because i still keep my prayer in my door.
If my past defines my future, where will my present be?
Is it in the middle of the two, a prelude to a future past beyond my grasp?
If my present decides my future, who decides my past?
Wasn’t my past was also once my future in the not so distant present?
Time really confuses me, so i let go of my time. They say spend it wisely.
Does being wise mean you spend your time preparing for your future?
But how can you prepare for your future without neglecting the precious present?
How can you be wise when it goes so quickly?
Good thing i got memories.
But memories belong to the past not the future.
And time moves in a different direction, memory in another.
Time moves forward. Memory relives the past.
I’ll just enjoy the moment. I don’t know how to spend my time wisely.
I’ll just use it.